How did I get this way? The records responsible, plus a playlist so you can hear the damage firsthand

Yes, it’s another playlist blog. But they’re still a thing because they’re so effective – and yes, entertaining. If you wanted to get to know me, I could tell you my CV in narrative form – I graduated high school, moved, attended university, etc. – or I can give you a better picture of who I am through the music that shaped me. The facts are easy to fill in yourself (and indeed all over this website). So here, instead, is the version with the soundtrack.

1. The Go-Go’s, Beauty and the Beat I probably shouldn’t admit this but when I was a fledgling teenage punk, a friend and I stole a giant stack of secondhand records from a junk shop that were all vaguely punk or new wave. Among them was a record I had avoided purely because my mom owned it and I thought it would be too girly pop. Since I now owned it, I put it on for a listen and it blew my mind: these were some of the best punk rock songs of all time and I had no idea – Beauty and the Beat really taught me to not judge by the (record) cover.

2. Nine Inch Nails, Pretty Hate Machine It was my freshman year of high school, I was 14 and I was obsessed. PHM was both danceable and subversive and kind of sexy too. At the same time, the internet had just crept into my home, opening up the record’s entire subculture and lore to me – from my briefly wearing all black and dyeing my hair to hunting down bootlegs and rare VHS music videos. I’m no longer a baby goth but I still listen to NIN to this day.

3. Blondie, Parallel Lines Since it was such a hit in its time, Parallel Lines was still widely available in the mid-1990s. I must have got it from one of those Publishers Clearing House catalogs for $1 or something. The thing is, those songs were really good and their attitude was exactly what I needed at the time. I became a Blondie-phile – which was no easy feat since their other records weren’t quite as easy to find – and played them so much that I eventually got a ban from friends on Blondie, whether in the car, the basement or at a party. They’ve since lightened up on them.

4. Patti Smith Group, Easter Listening to Patti Smith made me feel bohemian. I got into this record through “Rock n Roll N****r”, a song that’s since been quietly scrubbed from streaming services, which tells you something about how times change. Fortunately, I was just as into the rest of the record. I’ll also never forget being derided by the snobby older punks for listening to that record instead of the more iconic Horses (which is also great, I just got into Easter first) because it was more “commercial”. I guess?

5. Slits, Cut This one is a beautiful anomaly to me. I’ll never understand why the public library in Anchorage, Alaska had this but there it was, filed under “Punk”. I had heard of the Slits before but I can’t describe how disappointed I was the first time I heard Cut. It was nothing like I wanted it to be. But so much more. For me it unleashed the potential of what punk was and could be and really is one of the best records of all time.

6. Public Image Ltd., Metal Box/Second Edition I was fascinated by the character of Johnny Rotten – he was cute and full of vitriol but in a stylish and smart way. When I sought out more from him (under the less sexy moniker of Lydon), I was absolutely shocked to get these long, dub/bass heavy post-punk disco tracks after the straightforward sonic attacks of the Sex Pistols. I think I sat there with my mouth open for the entire first side.

7. X, Los Angeles Los Angeles came at a time when I thought maybe punk was just a phase for me. Not everything was instantly available to stream, so I was limited both by what I could find at the record store and what I could afford. But what a find this was. Exene’s wailing at the beginning of “Your Phone’s Off the Hook, But You’re Not” flooded my heart and brain with literate punk rock urgency – and I’ve never recovered from the dual vocals on the closing “The World’s a Mess (It’s in My Kiss)” either. The record’s cover became my first ever band tattoo.

8. Bikini Kill, The Singles As a teenager, my angst and my politics were developing at exactly the same speed. Punk was a good launchpad for that but it was the visceral wails of Kathleen Hanna and the extreme noise surrounding her that were a real call to arms. This record kicked my ass and made me aware I needed to speak up.

9. Crass, Best Before… 1984 What can I say? It’s where I stole my name from. Crass was an entire world. Immersive. And not just in a subculture way. There was an entire lifestyle – from their communal living to their lived anarchist politics to their uniform record art. And it was borderline unlistenable. Simplistic yet avant-garde. I loved it.

10. Blatz, The Shit Split This is one of the first “obscure” non-legacy punk acts I ever heard and their defiant brattiness really spoke to me. Unlike most of the punk I loved, they weren’t yet a legacy act – just long over by the time I heard them. By the time I moved to San Francisco, every song was burned into my psyche and they were my fantasy of what would happen every time I went to 924 Gilman Street.

11. Sonic Youth, Goo I was living in San Francisco and working at Tower Records while I went to college. Sonic Youth had somehow hit for me just then, becoming a portal to cool. I first remember that Raymond Pettibon record cover and the title track but the rest of the record and the Sonic Youth discography made me feel hyper cool as I walked down the street with my Discman on. I had access to a much bigger underground now.

12. Nena, S/T After I moved to Berlin and started learning German, I got into this one more than I ever expected. “99 Luftballons” was an easy hook but the situation had me listening to the whole record (and her other records as well) deeply for an early period of my life in Berlin. With this record I had something to bond over with my new German friends while quietly leveling up my language skills. Not only did that help me settle into Germany a bit easier, I ended up working with her throughout the years as well. “Mann, wer hätte das gedacht?” as the “Luftballons” lyric goes.

13. Duran Duran, Rio I was already in my thirties by the time I really got into Duran Duran, and hitting a professional stride I hadn’t known before. Ratty, disheveled punk just wasn’t me anymore. I had really gotten into the groove as an editor at the city magazine, I was just tapped to be the face of another magazine’s website and I was getting noticed all around town for my work at the film festival. I needed sunglasses and blazers. I wasn’t slouching anymore but standing up straight and ready for globetrotting adventures and Duran Duran were the perfect soundtrack for that.

14. Chappell Roan, The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess The numbers don’t lie. Okay, maybe they’re a bit skewed as there’s no count on all the music I’ve listened to my entire life but my Spotify play count for this record is up there – surpassing most. This is the record though that got me up on my feet in my forties to just dance around and so joyously pushed pop back into my life – hopping from my living room couch reading Alan Moore to dancing in full view of the neighbors while attempting to do the “Hot to Go!” moves. The neighbors have seen things.

15. Charli XCX, Brat In some ways, Brat reminded me a bit of Sonic Youth. Listening to it – and Charli in general – was a portal to cool. This time filtered through hyperpop and TikTok. But walking down the street with those songs on my AirPods was like tapping into a version of myself that I don’t see so much anymore. Vicious, sexy, cool and ready for the limelight. “Cult classic but I still pop!” I’m underground and on top of my game at the same time here – no punches pulled, no apologies made – which at this point in my life is liberating again. There’s something a bit punk about Charli, too.